


Faking it, Question Mark?

by MalChilling



Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27478171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalChilling/pseuds/MalChilling
Summary: “Uh-” Penelope stutters, stumbling for an answer. “Schneider tell my mom who this is.” She smiles as she throws him under the bus. Schneider flounders as he’s shoved forward, meeting Lydia and Leslie’s stare as they look on curiously.“Umm,” Schneider says before backing away quickly and hitting the wall. He realizes it’s not a wall, but Max as warm hands catch his shoulders. An idea pops into his head, and he leans back further.“This is Max. My boyfriend.”
Relationships: Schneider/Max Ferraro
Comments: 12
Kudos: 52





	Faking it, Question Mark?

“Uh-” Penelope stutters, stumbling for an answer. “Schneider tell my mom who this is.” She smiles as she throws him under the bus. Schneider flounders as he’s shoved forward, meeting Lydia and Leslie’s stare as they look on curiously.

“Umm,” Schneider says before backing away quickly and hitting the wall. He realizes it’s not a wall, but Max as warm hands catch his shoulders. An idea pops into his head, and he leans back further.

“This is Max. My boyfriend.” 

He can feel everyone’s surprise, and Penelope laughs awkwardly. He turns to see Max’s face only to see nothing to give away the game. Max only looks mildly surprised for a second until he tightens his grip on Schneider’s shoulders. Schneider laughs awkwardly, and ignores the fluttering in his stomach. 

“Yep.” Says Max “I’m the boyfriend.” 

*

Elena jumps on this immediately, sinking her claws into the fake relationship. He suspects it’s mostly because she’s trying to escape the awkwardness of her date. 

“If you’d like, I can refer you to an adult LGBTQ+ community.” She says “There’s one near the record store I like to go to.” 

“Bellabub’s? I love that place.” Syd says from the couch. Elena turns red and stutters an answer before biting into her food. 

Max has an arm thrown over the back of his chair, and sometimes rubs his hand on Schneider’s shoulder. It turns him into a red puddle for a few minutes after, before he remembers this is Penelope’s… boyfriend? Her  _ something _ , and Schneider should really remember that. 

He shovels food into his mouth and ignores the warmth radiating through his body. 

*

Penelope and Max broke up that night, because Penny was serious about the whole not having time for romance, and Max was really not comfortable having a casual relationship. It was an amicable end, and the two were still good friends despite the awkward circumstances. 

“Hey,” Penelope catches him before he goes to buy a camera for Elena’s Twitch phase. “Max asked for your number, and I gave it to him. I hope it's alright.” 

“Yeah,” Schneider frowns confused “but why didn’t he just DM me?” 

“D what you?” She frowns, technology escaping her. He laughs at her before pulling out his phone and showing her. 

“DM me.” He says, and she nods finally. 

“I’m gonna send a DM to you to see if I got it down.” She ignores his snort, pulling out her own phone. 

*

His phone rings during breakfast, and he picks it up without thinking. 

“Yellow?” He drawls out annoyingly. A deep chuckle from the other line makes him stumble as he remembers Penny gave his number to Max. 

“Hi, Schneider.” Max says from the other end, and Schneider barely stops himself from choking on his sugary cereal. That voice. That  _ man _ . 

“Max?” He asks. 

“I got your number from Pen, I hope it's alright.” Max actually sounds sort of sheepish as he says this, and Schneider doesn’t turn red. Nope. This isn’t cute at all. “I meant to get it earlier from you during the lockdown, but then things got sort of… awkward.” 

“Uh- Yeah,” Schneider winces, remembering that night. Very emotional. “It’s fine, what’s up?” 

“I just wanted to see when you wanted to grab that lunch.” Max says. 

“Oh, but I thought you didn’t want to do that?” He remembered Max’s face when he offered, best to spare himself further embarrassment by pretending he hadn't.

“No! I do, you just-” Max pauses, and then his voice gets quiet “You just caught me by surprise that’s all. I wasn’t expecting… you.” 

He blushes again despite himself. 

“Oh.” 

Schneider nods to himself, suddenly determined, before stabbing a nearby pancake. 

“I’d love lunch. When?” 

* 

Lunch with Max doesn’t happen right away. 

He gets busy, especially after Penelope suddenly stops taking her meds and the family rallies around her. It’s strange to see her like this, tired and just so- 

Void. 

It reminded him of when he first got sober. He hadn’t done it because anyone had talked him into it, no one had really cared enough. He got sober because he’d woken up the day after some party when someone started to overdose in the bathroom he’d been taking a nap in. He remembered being too high to help much, the coolness of the tub at his hands and knees as he watched some guy’s friend dial 911. 

It had reminded him that he didn’t have a friend who’d call 911 if he was in the middle of dying. Hell, he’d come to this thing alone. It could’ve been him vomiting and seizing at some crack house at five in the morning. 

His sobriety hadn’t lasted long, but it was something to think about the other times he got sober. 

Penny gets better, and they’re all so glad. She comes out more accepting of her meds, and Lydia, in a surprising turn of events, does too. Schneider is just glad he didn’t lose his family after all.

Lunch happens while Elena takes over as handy ‘ma’am’ for a while, and he has nothing to do but take care of his bonsai tree and play with his snow globes while he waits for Max to respond to his text. He had been texting Max for a while, mostly about nothing in particular, the most important conversations happening during FaceTime calls. 

Those calls make him happy, Max mostly lets him babble while they both do things around the house. Well, Max. Schneider doesn’t really have anything to do. 

His favorite call had been eating take out and watching Max cook some sort of mouth watering rice. Max had promised to make him some one day. It felt silly making plans with someone getting tagged in so many photos of women. Beautiful women. Who Max could have. 

Why does Max talk to him again? 

Before he could spiral into a well of insecurity and moodiness, his phone digs with a text message from Max. He pushes away the whole well and unlocks his phone. 

_ Sure thing _ , winky face,  _ my place? I’ll make you some of that rice you wanted. _

Schneider frowns down at the text before writing back. 

_ For lunch?  _

Max responds quickly, the three dots bubbling like Schneider’s anxiety. 

_ Dinner.  _

Schneider hesitates before typing back an affirmative  _ okay _ , heart fluttering at Max’s response. 

_ It's a date :)  _

* 

He shows up five minutes early, and waits in the hall so it’s not weird. The neighbor’s expression when they pop their head out to check who he is lets him know he’s failed. He knocks on Max’s door before the old man can question him and hauls himself inside when it opens, slamming the door closed on the old man before he can give the game away. 

His back is against the door, looking up at Max with startled eyes and feeling his face heat up with the fire of a thousand suns as he stares at the rugged Adonis standing before him. 

Before he can wax poetic about Max’s eyes, cool like an ocean wave, or his curls that remind him of a Greek hero, Max interrupts. 

“I’m confused.” He says with an adorable frown on his face, and a crease between his eyebrows. 

“Your neighbor scared me, so I just…” Schneider trails off, and motions awkwardly at the door. “Yeah.” 

Max accepts this answer before backing away and steering him to the kitchen where dinner is taking place. No candles, he notices with relief, but it does look delicious. The warm food looks so good he might be salivating. Max sets a hand on his lower back and sits him down before sitting himself. 

“Hope you like it, I think I did my grandmother’s recipe justice but I’ll eat pretty much anything.” Max says, gathering his fork and poking at it. Schneider laughs. 

“Good to know, because my cooking is nothing to write home about.” 

“Well,” Max grins “I look forward to finding out for myself someday. Maybe breakfast?” Schneider pauses before realizing the double entendre and laughing awkwardly. 

“Yeah.” He responds after a few seconds of high pitched laughter, Max’s grin only widens. 

They eat in comfortable silence before Max suggests a movie, and Schneider agrees to watch Cars 2 with him. 

“I like you.” Max suddenly says, startling Schneider out of his too intense focus on the children’s cartoon. Schneider blinks up cluelessly from where he was cuddled into Max’s side and stares in disbelief. 

“What?” 

“I like you. And I want to be your boyfriend for real.” Max has a determined look on his face, even as he smiles slightly. 

“But you could have anyone. Why me?” Why the screw up alcoholic who has nothing going on for them? Why the rich kid who had to get addicted to drugs just to be interesting? 

“Because I want you.” Max says it like it’s obvious. Like it's simple. And Schneider starts to think… maybe it is. 

“You can have me.” 

Max smiles and cradles Schneider’s cheek in his hands gently, before finally leaning in and kissing him. Schneider thinks this might be the first kiss he’s ever had. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeahhhh this got out of hand and out of the blue


End file.
